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limner
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 814 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2007 11:41 am |
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I debated on putting this in the "News" section, but it's very specific to this one. Carolyn, feel free to move it if you disagree.
We have another 10 years before we're empty nesters, and I think it's going to be a looong 10 years. Our D told her grandfather that she was going to give us an "ultimatum" (where'd she learn that word?): Either she gets her brother's room nowor we build an addition onto the house to enlarge her current bedroom. Er, no. College tuition and home renovation are mutually exclusive in this household.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/20/garden/20kids.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1190287847-On1R37dkDc3C5pAN5VBZOw
Or
http://tinyurl.com/2aqxox
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Wstrdg
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 401 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2007 02:35 pm |
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At S's orientation, parents and kids had separate sessions, all day. One of the sessions involved the school psychologist. Our exercise was to suggest adjectives describing our emotions at having our children leave home for college. These were then written on the whiteboard, and the point made was that all of these adjectives had also been suggested by the student group, to describe their own emotions (except the word "broke").
His parting advice covered three subjects: homesickness, grades, and the kid's bedroom.
Homesickness is "W-Shaped," with peaks at the beginning of the first semester, at mid-term and just before XMAS.
Grades may best be broached with "tell me about your FAVORITE class." And hope the rest spills.
Bedrooms should be left alone for at least a semester. "Resist the urge to convert that bedroom into an office or home gym." Include the student in your decision to redecorate, but wait until after XMAS.
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limner
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 814 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2007 02:43 pm |
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Wstrdg wrote:
Homesickness is "W-Shaped," with peaks at the beginning of the first semester, at mid-term and just before XMAS.
S's school sent us a mailing about the "W theory" in transition (along with the citation for the study--heheh). S told us during a phone call his first week that he was "oscillating through that W thing" several times a day--far more often that the original theory holds. 
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CalifCarolyn
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 4th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 572 |
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Posted: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 05:47 pm |
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As an "empty nester" I have left their bedrooms "as is". D1 slowly changed hers over breaks home to reflect her new interests and the new role her bedroom plays as a place for friends to gather when home. D2 was just home for fall break and when she walked into her room I heard her say "ah my blankie, my pillow and look Mouse (our cat) has been sleeping on my bed (the evidence...white hair on a brown blanket). It helped her homesick blues knowing she had her room to return to. It will be fun to see how she changes it this summer.
as for me...I am glad that I have our guest room since it has become my new craft/sewing room. Guests get to use D1's room since it has an attached bath.
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warblers
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 04:16 pm |
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My mom thought I wouldn't know she used my room as a long-desired sewing room. The stacks of fabric hidden under my bed gave her away. 
Last edited on Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 04:18 pm by warblers
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1197 |
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Posted: Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 08:30 pm |
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I wouldn't change my children's rooms without their knowledge until they have made the final break and have homes of their owns. Unless the room is desperately needed for a sibling, it can have multiple uses if you need the space without erasing them as if they never lived there before.
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RMmom
Member
| Joined: | Fri Oct 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | California USA |
| Posts: | 46 |
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Posted: Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 09:15 pm |
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| I moved out of my parents house almost 30 years ago. Until about 2 years ago, my room was exactly as I had left it. I thought that was kind of extreme, but my D loved going over there and staying in my room as it was when I lived there.
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binx
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 459 |
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Posted: Wed Oct 24th, 2007 05:54 pm |
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We moved to Germany when S1 was starting junior year of college. When we came home (to the same house), he had graduated and was starting his second year of employment 700 miles away. We decided to convert our guest room into an office, and turn his room into a guest room. We painted it peach. He had a fit.
I told him I'd paint it anyway he liked when he came back home to live.
S2 decided he wanted his room painted metallic copper. I wanted a burgundy room. I pointed out that he was half-way through college, didn't even usually come home for the whole summer, and would probably never live here again. Those arguments got me a compromise - his room is orange. 
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HijinksAndSue
Member
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Posted: Sat May 3rd, 2008 09:25 pm |
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With the last six weeks of high school's madness having officially descended with last night's prom, I have been thinking a LOT about the impending empty nest and how I will deal with it (my daughter is an only) ...
I can't imagine "getting rid of" or even converting her room to something different but I will say that I look forward to giving it a really major cleaning and airing out (I don't think she's opened her windows in five years) ... and to seeing the floor for more than, oh, six hours before it's covered with clothes again.
We did a major cleaning out of clothes last week (she's lost a lot of weight but even before that I noticed that in the continuum of laundry she only recycled about 20 percent of what she owned, so we went through everything and filled about three large garbage bags to give to World Planet).
Which probably means almost ALL of her clothes that remain will go to school with her. Leaving more room for cleaning out ...
I'd say the only thing I'll do different is bring back some of her "stuff" such as her desktop that are in/on the guest room desk into her room so I can complete my conversion of the guest room into a scrapping/craft room for me.
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1197 |
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 01:11 am |
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I found when they come home for summer they bring so much back with them that ends up staying the next fall when they leave again, reorganizing was almost pointless. I'm about ready to rent a storage container for all the boxes that came back and never left again. Converting a room seems like a practical solution. In reality, if they are going to live at home again, they will need their spaces back.
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CarolynLawrence
Administrator
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 3307 |
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 01:36 am |
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Wstrdg wrote:
Homesickness is "W-Shaped," with peaks at the beginning of the first semester, at mid-term and just before XMAS.
Wstrdg, This is a very astute observation, and a great way to describe it. I am going to share it with my students going far from home. Thank you.  Last edited on Sun May 4th, 2008 01:36 am by CarolynLawrence
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