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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1135 |
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Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 04:03 pm |
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Who will have a child-free house next fall? What will you do to fill up your time? If your children have already moved out how did you handle the quiet?
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leftcoast
Member
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Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 08:35 pm |
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Keep busy.
That's really all there is to it... if you are finding yourself moping around or feeling lonely, then find a new activity (social events, theater, movies, sport, charity, politics, new job, whatever...) -- make some commitments as to time, and fill up your time.
It's really tough at first but I think we parents need to "grow up" too.
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1135 |
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Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 10:52 pm |
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The hardest is not being around children anymore. I've always enjoyed having kids around, knowing what is going on in their world.
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Thumper
Member
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 220 |
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Posted: Wed Jun 6th, 2007 11:06 pm |
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| We became "empty nesters" this past fall. It is WONDERFUL. Don't get me wrong. I miss the kids, but I don't miss the "stuff". I don't miss driving back and forth to the school for various events multiple times a day. I love having a clean house, no dirty dishes in the sink, and no lights on after 10 p.m. It's nice to go to the fridge to cook dinner and actually FIND the ingredients I bought for the meal. I do laundry once a week, and shop for food when I feel like it. OH...and we adults can cook whatever we feel like cooking. The best...the cars are never on empty when I get into them....no surprises. And we got our electric bill down from over $200 per month to $85 per month. Gee...we adults just don't consume that much power. I also don't have to worry about getting home in time to prepare meals, iron clothes, get others ready for things...DH takes care of himself...plus he travels on business a bit. And I love the QUIET.
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PrimetimeMom
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Los Angeles |
| Posts: | 156 |
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Posted: Thu Jun 7th, 2007 02:40 am |
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Every other week I'm an empty nester. Since my son started driving last summer he spends one week at my house and one week at his dad's house (we all live close by). My 19yo D is living with her boyfriend. To top it off, my husband got a job in San Diego and we live in Los Angeles so he is gone during the week, returning on weekends or I visit there.
At first I was really at loose ends and then I decided on a self improvement program for myself. I joined a few group exercise/pilates/yoga/spinning places and take at least one class every day. I started shopping Farmer's markets and cooking healthy food for one. As they say, "when mama's not happy, nobody's happy"  When my son and husband come home they find me refreshed rather than hassled or bored and needy. My D still calls several times a day, usually when she can't find a parking spot or something silly I love to read and have a pile of news clippings of books I want to read.
It is weird to have an empty house and I wonder where the years went. I will savor every other week I have with my son during his Senior year, baking brownies, homecooked meals and making big breakfasts for he and his friends on weekends. I know I will miss those times but for the first time in my life I have had the taste of the luxury of taking care of "me" and I'm liking it.
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atlantamom
Member
| Joined: | Tue Mar 7th, 2006 |
| Location: | Illinois USA |
| Posts: | 112 |
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Posted: Thu Jun 7th, 2007 07:20 pm |
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I am not an empty nester, but almost. D is rather self-sufficient and not around nearly as much as before. I have been thinking a lot about what I should be doing this coming year and in the future.
I've thought about going back to work, but probably won't. I'd like to be able to travel with my husband. I've thought about getting involved again in BOD work, but probably won't. I'm tired of raising money. I've been thinking I will increase the exercise time with returning to yoga and upping my regular workouts. Then, devote more time to gardening and cooking. And, I think I will do hands-on volunteer work.
I think keeping busy and having some minimum structure is important for me. If not, I'm going to float too much. I get more done when I have less time.
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CaneMom
Member
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Posted: Fri Jun 8th, 2007 06:44 am |
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Well...ya'all could do what we did when we became empty nesters four years ago..... We sold the nest!! 
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CarolynLawrence
Administrator
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 3077 |
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Posted: Sat Jun 9th, 2007 04:30 am |
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Nah, you just put the nest on wheels Canemom! 
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binx
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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Posted: Wed Jun 13th, 2007 03:04 am |
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We will have an empty nest next fall. I have mixed emotions. I have absolutely loved being a mom (stay at home), so it does feel like my purpose is finished. But at the same time, I feel very successful! I love how my kids have turned out, and am so proud of them.
I plan to return to teaching piano, so I'll still have some noise and some kids around. And I hope to get some serious writing done as well. But I suspect some motivation problems coupled with a bit of depression, so I can make plans, but I don't know how I'll do till I do it.
We have a huge house. Why is it that we can't afford a big enough house till we have no one to fill it? I think we'll hang on at least another year. It would be a great house for grandchildren. And my kids all seem to be heading to parts unknown, so it will be nice to have room for them when they visit.
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CalifCarolyn
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 4th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 566 |
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Posted: Thu Jun 14th, 2007 02:39 am |
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our home will be empty too....my husband solved his 'empty nest' fear by enrolling in a PhD program
I haven't decided which of my hobbies will gradually consume my life (and my house)
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binx
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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Posted: Mon Sep 10th, 2007 02:43 pm |
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There are a couple more recent threads about getting our freshmen off to school, which inspired me to refresh this one.
My H has been busy "projecting", I think. (To wear my psychology hat). He keeps asking if I'm okay. Or mentioning little things that he thinks *I* might be sad about, etc. He's never been big on feelings, and I think he doesn't know what to do with them, so he would like me to react more strongly! It is really suprising to me to see how he is reacting to our empty nest.
We continue to get plenty of contact. S2 spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday with H, working together to try to get S2's Internet working (no success, think it's a problem in the room), and to get travel plans made for a trip out west next week (for an audition.) D called me briefly late last night to ask me to start brainstorming with her for a name for her quintet. And S1 sent me a link to a business article in a Philly newspaper which quotes him several times! So I've heard from all 3 kids in the past 24 hours and life is good.
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1135 |
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Posted: Mon Sep 10th, 2007 08:42 pm |
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I'd forgotten I started this topic! I thought I'd be devastated at having no children in our home, but I put aside so many things until S left that now I'm overwhelmed at catching up on work, the house, friends, activities. I don't have time to miss anyone. And like Binx, mine call to check in, ask questions or when they need something.
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alanarch
Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 11th, 2007 05:23 pm |
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| Life hasn't changed that much. I belive that it has not really sunk in that he is gone. We are use to him being gone for the summer for the past 8 years or so. I keep saying that he is still at camp. He calls and emails more often than when he is at camp. Dinner is a less formal event. We structured our lives to always have dinner as a family. We will see him at the end of Septemeber for Parents Weekend. I expect to see a changed person.
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CaneMom
Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2007 05:18 am |
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Have faith empty nesters! Although still empty, I hear from the boy more now since he graduated undergrad than all four years combined. Of course, it seems to still be...Mom, can I borrow money?...but all and all it's a comfort to hear his voice more often. 
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HijinksAndSue
Member
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Posted: Sat May 3rd, 2008 09:31 pm |
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I've definitely started getting emotional about the pending empty nest (of course it could also be the hormones from menopause!) ... looking at everything as the "ast" this or that (her last Mother's Day at home next weekend, etc.).
I did have one idea though that may sound OC but I think it will help ... having an only I know that way too much of my time is spent thinking about "oh, D would like this," or "I should get this for D" or "D really needs this." (And though it may not sound like it, I do have a life, between working full time and being mom and wife).
I plan on sending her a monthly "care package" ... basically, over the course of a month I'll fill a box with either a) things she may ask for or need refills of and b) the little things that make me think of her in my travels ... along with a note, mix CD, pictures, articles, seasonal stuff, etc. I'll try to make the box/container a utilitarian one ... and keep a running letter/diary to add as well.
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alanarch
Member
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 12:00 am |
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| I don't think a monthly care package is a good idea. Your D will likely resent it. She will want to feel independent, not tied to home. Let her decide on what connection she wants to maintain while she spreads her wings and becomes her own person on her own. Without being too personal, I think you need to let go.
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HijinksAndSue
Member
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 12:13 am |
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You may very well be right.
On the other hand, when I was in college I LOVED getting goodies from home ... highlight of my day was going to the PO and seeing if I had any packages.
Maybe it's a girl thing? (I know you have a son).
My D IS very independent already, but she likes getting presents (I'm not terribly overprotective or hovering since I'm on the road for my job about 30 percent of the time anyway, more than that between March and October.)
I'll just ask her straight out if she wants me to do it or not and go with whatever she prefers.
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Lynda
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 12:39 am |
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I loved packages and mail when I was in college.
While my son always thanks me, I think sending packages makes me feel better than it excites him. He was excited first semester, especially for the water resistant jacket during a rainy season, and occassional goodies. I do sometimes send a card w/a COSTCO cash card(uses it for gas) or transfer a few bucks into his acct to celebrate special accomplishments. He doesn't like to ask for stuff and usually tells me that he just went to Target whenever I ask if he needs anything. I think it might be a boy thing.
Right now, son is doing his best to find a job and place to stay so he doesn't have to come home.
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 01:07 am |
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Empty nest isn't that bad if you stay busy. I enjoy my free time and also even more when my children are home again.
I send care packages when we have something that needs to be sent and right before finals to arrive the day before the testing starts. Those are all very much appreciated. The first few weeks of school are the hardest. They are getting used to a roommate, the school, classes, professors, and being away from home.
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CarolynLawrence
Administrator
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 01:54 am |
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I don't think care packages impede independence. My mom sent me plenty of care packages when I was in college (and even after I was married!) and I grew up just fine.
But, things do change after the initial adjustment. I sent my daughter lots of packages last year in her freshman year, but this year I've been so busy with my own life, that I've only managed to send off one each semester. I do expect I'll send some to my son next year as well. And, I also have plans to send at least one package to some of my students who will be far from home. I know they'll appreciate that someone was thinking of them "back home."
By the way, it's not just a "mom" thing in our house. My husband has snuck off a few packages of his own with things like mix CD's he knew my daughter would like. He is also big on chocolate and gag gifts. He remembers how nice it was when he was away at sea in the Navy and his mother sent him a care package.
Last edited on Sun May 4th, 2008 01:56 am by CarolynLawrence
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