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mominva
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | DC Suburbs |
| Posts: | 333 |
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Posted: Fri Aug 3rd, 2007 10:01 pm |
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Binx,
We have that very same fear. Our youngest is the worst of our three. Her sibs told her to be sure to be honest with the housing survey.
Well, her school does not issue housing surveys. Dorm selection is online - with times determined by date of housing deposit. The student can select from open building and room spaces. I think there is very limited roommate info (name, hometown, birthdate) if the room is partially filled.
DD opted for a room in her 2nd choice building (1st choice was completely booked), only open spaces were quads! So she will impact 3 others with her clutter.
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binx
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 459 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 02:17 pm |
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| No housing survey at all at Miami. The only choice she got was what "Living Learning Community" she wanted to be in. She put Honors/Scholars as her first choice, Arts as her second. She got her first choice, for which we are grateful.
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Chedva
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 570 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 02:23 pm |
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No housing survey at Rochester, either. Only question they asked was if you wanted a non-smoker - all dorms are smoke-free, but the smell of smoke on a smoker's clothes can be overwhelming in a small dorm room. No other questions about habits or sleeping preferences.
They also asked about "quiet floors", substance-free dorms, and single-sex floors. My d chose none of them, and much to her horror ended up randomly assigned to the quiet floor. Her roommate also didn't ask for the quiet floor, nor did any of the girls in a nearby forced triple (one of the girls is a friend). So most of their Facebook encounters are spent plotting on how best to subvert authority! As they say, nothing makes faster friends than a common enemy! 
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limner
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 809 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 04:10 pm |
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kdmom, the nondisclosure is probably for a benign reason, although I know it's hard not to let your imagination run riot.
S sent an e-mail to his roommate last week and hasn't heard anything back. the kid is probably on vacation or something, but of course I'm with your S, imagining an anti-social hermit.  Last edited on Sat Aug 4th, 2007 05:42 pm by limner
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Fireflyscout
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 182 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 04:40 pm |
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Last year D was assigned to a triple. She connected with one of her roommates pretty quickly, but neither heard much from the third, until they finally got an email that she would probably tie-dye everything in sight. Later they found out that email had been sent by third's boyfriend. And she did have quite an array of tie-dyed clothing, which came in handy when she was in charge of costumes for the college production of "Hair".
The three got along very well, but were three very different types. They will be rooming with different people this year - the tie-dye girl is going to live in the Farm House - sustainable living (grow your own food).
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limner
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 809 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 05:45 pm |
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| Fireflyscout, thanks for the firsthand experience. I think there's so much free-floating anxiety right now that it's easy to blow things out of proportion.
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kdmom
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| Joined: | Sun Jun 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Washington USA |
| Posts: | 115 |
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Posted: Sun Aug 5th, 2007 10:15 pm |
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| Yes, it turns out there was no reason to worry in my son's case either. Within hours of my last post, the roommate contacted my son through Facebook. He didn't give any explanation for not releasing his contact information through the university but he certainly doesn't seem anti-social, so all is well.
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mom61
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| Joined: | Fri Jun 23rd, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 247 |
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Posted: Fri Aug 17th, 2007 11:04 pm |
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My son leaves in 5 days and he has not contacted his roommate. I guess they might be a match made in heaven since the roommate hasn't contacted him either. The school gave out email addresses but not phone numbers.
Drives me crazy.
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CarolynLawrence
Administrator
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 3216 |
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Posted: Fri Aug 17th, 2007 11:30 pm |
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This is a really interesting conversation because I assumed that all colleges used some sort of housing questionnaire to match up roomies these days, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Which makes me realize that when the campus tour guides at some schools go on about how residential life is good at matching people up, it is actually something to take note of, or ask about as you visit schools.
My daughter this year will actually kind of have a MALE roommate. She lives in a single that has an adjoining door to another single. (They both also have doors out to the hallway). Last year, the girl who lived on the other side of the door was my daughter's pseudo roommate complete with all the drama including disagreements and too much familiarity. My daughter's good friend (male) asked if she minded if he took that room in the housing lottery and she said no. So, if they wanted to open up the doors and have a wild time, I guess they could. Luckily, my daughter keeps her dresser in front of the door, so I don't *think* that will happen. Hmmmmm...
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1173 |
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Posted: Fri Aug 17th, 2007 11:38 pm |
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Mine has been in touch with his roommate, which is a good idea. D never did that and they arrived without a lot of room for all the items they each wanted to fit into a small space.
Carolyn, that will work out much better. For some reason, two girls create more drama than a girl and a guy do.
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scoop
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 556 |
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Posted: Sat Aug 18th, 2007 02:54 am |
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| I had no info on my college roomate until she showed up at the door. We seemed to be very much alike and I had hopes for a wonderful friendship. That was not to be as she thought her new boyfriend should basically live with us as well. In grad school, I took one look at my roomate and thought that you could not have had two more different people. I learned not to judge by appearances and this girl turned out to be the most wonderful roomate. We were not at all friendly outside of our room and had no friends in common. We did, however, have the utmost respect and consideration for each other. We still keep up by holiday card almost 26 years later. The best friendships can come out of the most unlikely places.
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limner
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| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 809 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 12:40 am |
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S finally heard from his roommate on Saturday. The roomie has been on a vacation on northern Wisconsin. They've been e-mailing back and forth ever since. They seem--so far--to have common interests. We've been out of town, so I haven't gotten the complete lowdown, but S seems really pleased.
I think Carleton must take those roommate questionnaires seriously. S seems to be in a dorm with several other geeky guys (read videogame-enthusiasts) who have the same campus job--something called "ACNW Computer Assistant. They have no idea what that entails, but S is happy that it most likely doesn't include wearing a hairnet. Finding these like-minded guys in his dorm (via Carleton's discussion lists) has tipped S's College Start Anxiety/Excitment Scale more toward the latter than the former.
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scoop
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 556 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 02:46 am |
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limner,
So glad to hear your son is getting excited about school. It must make things less anxious for you too.
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Fireflyscout
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 04:43 am |
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I'm thinking ACNW is Administrative Computing, but it's hard to tell. I'm glad to hear that your son has finally made contact with his roommate!
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limner
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| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 809 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 12:48 pm |
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Thanks, scoop and fireflyscout. Yes, my anxiety level has definitely declined as S's excitement level has risen.
mom61, I have to laugh--it does sound like your S and his roommate on the same wavelength on at least one level. And I completely understand your being driven crazy. There's this fine line we walk, being involved, helpful, and available, but not interfering and invasive. We're involved but then we have to keep our mouths shut and let our kids do what they feel is best. Yep, drives ya crazy.
Carolyn, sounds like your D has the best of both worlds: a neighbor she gets along with who won't be borrowing her clothes (at least, we don't think so).
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binx
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| Posts: | 459 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 01:41 pm |
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We moved D in last Thursday. She and her roommate had been in contact a few times in advance - both by email and by phone, making lots of plans, and seem like they are going to get along just fine. It was very different from our boys' experiences.
But D and her roomie both seem to be fairly easy going and cooperative. We heard lots of "Sure! I don't care! Whatever you want." I felt an urgency for us parents to leave, because there was more tension there!
Roomie's father and my H are rather opposite from each other. My H is detail oriented - an engineer who does things carefully and exactly. Roomie's father is a "bigger hammer" kinda guy. (If something doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer.) Other guy was a bit more pushy, and my H can't stand to be pushed. I was a bit nervous, as both dads protective instincts were kicking in. Everybody stayed friendly, though, and the girls themselves were both relaxed.
When we got there, the room was arranged with the beds on one side, and the desks and dressers lined up along the other, with no clear "sides." We knew that both girls were messy, and thought it would work better if there was a clear delineation of space, to avoid a mingling of the chaos. So we rearranged the furniture to split the room down the middle, with a closet on each side. I'm glad we did that. I think it's a version of "good fences make good neighbors."
Anyway, I sensed that the girls were going to get along fine once us parents were out of the way! The roomie has a boyfriend on campus, and I was wondering if D was going to be abandoned, but there is a group of girls on the hall that have clicked, and D is part of that. The roomie seems to be dividing her time between the girls and her b/f. And my D is dividing her time between the girls and her violin!
This summer D got a school newsletter, and in it someone mentioned bringing a gift for her roommate. We thought that was a great idea, and D got her roommate something while in Germany (where she was for the 2 weeks before school started.) It turned out to be a great idea - a nice ice breaker.
Last edited on Mon Aug 20th, 2007 01:43 pm by binx
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limner
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| Location: | Tennessee USA |
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 01:50 pm |
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| binx, thanks for the update! It was great to hear a firsthand experience of a move-in day. Did they do an orientation? When does school start? (Enquiring minds . . . )
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binx
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 02:13 pm |
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Thanks for asking. Classes start today. D is nervous. Her schedule is packed, and she is trying to get a class changed. She also has her orchestra audition today, so she is feeling some pressure.
They had a bunch of activities planned following the Thursday move-in, but with enough time off for D to find times to practice and do some things on her own. But the real orientation was held in June. Yesterday she had a couple music-related orientations.
I am hoping she calls tonight to let us know how she felt about her audition, and if she was successful in getting her schedule changed. She currently has MWF classes at 8:00, 9:00, and 10:00. The 9:00 class is in a building down the street, and she only has 10 minutes to get from one place to the other. It will be tight. And there would never be any time before OR after class to speak with the prof.
She really wants that class, though (German Lit). She is hoping to change the 10:00 class -- a music course. They have an honors version at 1:00 that would be much easier for her. Since she is only in "scholars" and not in "honors", she was locked out of the honors class during orientation, but is going to beg to be force-added. As a scholar, she is allowed to take honors classes if there is room. (I have a series of personal frustrations about it all. First, I think she should be in honors. Miami just didn't know how to handle her German transcript, IMHO. Second, why would they give preference to non-music honors students, over music-major scholars, for a music course? Third, it seemed that getting permission at orientation was simply a matter of getting assigned the right advisor - D has scholar friends who were successful at getting into it.) Last we heard, the course was over-booked, so D is prepared to beg.
She has called us several times already. We were sad leaving her. My H actually cried. I would have, too, except I was so shocked by him! He didn't react at all when the boys left. As we were driving away, leaving her standing there waving at us, I said, "She seems too small to leave her all by herself" and he said, "Yes, she does." And his voice broke, and I looked at him and he was wiping away tears.
We both commented that she seemed more unsure of herself than either of the boys did. She was hit with a lot on move-in day - including her first bank accounts, and lots of various instructions - computer, meal plan, book buying, rules and regs... Both boys went to more "prestigious" schools, where they were both proud and excited to be numbered among, and bursting with confidence. It was an interesting difference. D was, as you may remember, ambiguous about her choices, and I think she is still waiting for confirmation. This week will be important, I think.
Last edited on Mon Aug 20th, 2007 02:16 pm by binx
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limner
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| Joined: | Sun Jul 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tennessee USA |
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 02:41 pm |
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Oh, binx, your story had mewiping away tears. Sniff. Keep us posted on how her audition went and getting the honors class. this will be such a growing period for all our kids. I was thinking that your boys, being boys, may also not have wanted to show any anxiety they were feeling. Although I think with succeeding generations, guys are more likely to show their true feelings.
And I understand your D waiting for confirmation of her choice. I initiated a talk with my S recently about how he made his final choice. He was rejected from his two top schools, and I think it was hard for him to do put that aside in the time he had to make a decision. I said that I thought he felt a bit, well, forced into his final choice, like it wasn't made free and clear. He made a joke about "not getting in anywhere else" and I called him on that. We talked about all the schools he got into, why he decided not to attend them, etc. I reminded him that he didn't even want to visit Oberlin ("Oh, yeah, I forgot I got in there."  ). I said I would have have pushed him more on it IF I thought it would have been a better fit than Carleton. Money was a consideration with UMich--not as much aid and more than double the loans. I think going back over the decision helped him remember what his choices were and why he chose Carleton. He seemed to feel a bit easier with the school planning (or maybe that's my imagination). I think that the heavy emotions of decision time--both of the schools he applied to and his own choice--colored his perceptions of that choice.
I think once your D starts classes and gets in the swing of things, she'll start finding all these cool things that she loves.
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scoop
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Posted: Mon Aug 20th, 2007 04:03 pm |
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| binx, I got all misty reading your story. I still remember my parents driving away and it was 31 years ago. My dad still reminds me that they left with a car half full off all the stuff I packed that wouldn't fit in my dorm room. I wish your daughter luck with her audition and her courses.
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