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Lupine
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| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 129 |
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Posted: Sat Jun 9th, 2007 10:00 pm |
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A few months ago we were having dinner with some friends, and he mentioned that he'd flown off to college in the late 60's as a freshman with two suitcases and a (manual) typewriter. Their daughter, who is in college in NYC, wanted them to ship her shampoo/conditioner and the like when she was a freshman living in one of the largest cities in the country. They had to have a converstion about what was going on, and the difference between the occassional care box sent from Mom & Dad, and relying on Mom & Dad 2000 miles away to take care of the details you didn't want to take time away to deal with.
Our daughter's got some time until college, but we're already talking about the stuff issue. Many (most?) kids today have their own rooms (and often their own bathroom) and the rooms are stuffed. Yet the reality is that most of the stuff rarely gets used. All the clothes in the closet, and yet the same few jeans, skirts and tops repeatedly get worn. College dorm rooms are much, much smaller, and are often shared. Most of us probably have too much stuff in our lives, and trucking it around the country to colleges (and then grad school,...) may well be more excess baggage than we need -- physically or emotionally.
One of my sisters has lived alternately in Europe and the US, spending a couple of years at a time in each place. She's learned what she really needs: photos, jeans, basic clothing -- and less than you think, since styles are different and what worked in the south might not be it for Euorpe and, if you have really big (ladies) feet, your own shoes since large size shoes are tough to come by abroad. You can learn to like new shampoo, different coffee, and jackets with a different cut. iPods make music very portable, and the marvellous portable speaker systems for them are great for small rooms and take almost no space.
For what people spend hauling stuff around, many times you could live is a space for a bit, figure out what you really want, and then go buy it and still end up spending a lot less.
Another friend's daughter received a graduation present of an electric quesadilla maker to take away to college a few years ago. I can only imagine where it is resting today.
If it is more than her baggage allowance and a few moderate size boxes shipped UPS, maybe it is really more than she needs.
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jocelynDAD
Member
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Posted: Sat Jun 9th, 2007 10:07 pm |
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leftcoast wrote: I know that you guys mean well, but when someone tells you that they cannot do something for financial reasons, and you respond by saying that it's hard for you too, but it is a priority in your family because you love your kids so much..... that's a put down. You are dismissing a serious financial concern as being something trivial and indicative of poor parenting or selfishness.
This is taking honest and direct responses to the OP's inquiry and making those responses hostage to one person's viewpoint.
These responses were to the OP's inquiry just as LC's initial responses were and nothing else.
IMO to censor these factual responses is wrong and to cast these responses as a 'put down' is wrong.
When I had 4 children in college over a 9 year span, with 3 in for 3 years straight, I still made it a priority to take them to their college and see that they were as ready as possible, regardless of the distance was to PA, Ohio or Missouri. That was my priority, not based on anyone else's thoughts, whims, wishes, or whatever.
Last edited on Sun Jun 10th, 2007 04:50 am by jocelynDAD
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leftcoast
Member
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 12:12 am |
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J-dad, I was responding to posts immediately after mine, beginning with one that quoted mine -- - which I naturally interepreted to be responding to the statement quoted about a "need to economize". I found the replies very hurtful -- I said I was offering up ways to save money because it's hard for a lot of people to handle the expense, and that was followed with 2 successive responses from people saying yes, it was hard for them too, but they made it a *priority* to pay for it.
People who have money can *prioritize* how they spend it. I was talking about what those of us who don't have the money do. I found the comment that the solution is planning ahead and "saving a bit here and there ahead of time" to be insensitive, given the fact that the financial aid system is pretty much structured to take all I've got. It's tough enough to come up with the fees for tuition and housing My daughter's financial aid was calculated based on an $800 travel allotment; that obviously is not intended to cover a second traveler.
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CalifCarolyn
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 4th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 572 |
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 02:05 am |
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Leftcoast-I am sorry if my response offended you, that was not the intent, I was just writing what we had to do for me, a family of 2 public school teachers, to feel comfortable about sending daughters across country. The airfare, moving etc. had to be talked about before sending in applications. I think that an honest talk with our daughters about our ability to pay for college (and related expenses) was the most important part of our pre-planning. A co-worker is very sad that they didn't factor airfares into their estimated expenses so they can't afford cross country airfares for breaks other than Christmas.
re: stuff------My older D took way too much but it is what she needed to do to feel comfortable leaving the comforts of her home, friends and the Pacific Ocean. When she left for her sophomore year she took less because she was returning to a place she loved not somewhere new. I know D2 will do the same---take too much---and gradually get rid of 'stuff' as she makes the dorm in Indiana her own.
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1161 |
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 03:14 am |
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Amazon.com now sells so many items from second-party vendors that you can buy everything from college books to waste baskets in one place, and have them shipped to your child at school. Since much of their merchandise is also discounted, it's an added bonus. Some things qualify for free shipping, too, although that takes longer than if you pay shipping expenses. Much of their merchandise isn't taxed, either.
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GladHi
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| Joined: | Wed Jun 21st, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 41 |
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 04:33 am |
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I kept stressing to my younger D, who has a huge collection of DVD box sets, that she could not take everything she owns to college, because she would be sharing a very tiny room with another person. Imagine my chagrin on move-in day, when we discovered that she had the biggest room in the dorm, a former triple being used as a double, with closet space for 3 and lofted beds with storage underneath! Other parents, whose Ds had rooms so small the beds had to be bunked, came by expressing their obvious room-envy. I felt guilty, and with respect to my advice to D, wrong once again . Luckily, she didn't have to haul it all home this summer, because we have close friends living nearby who let her store boxes at their house. With older D, grandma lives near her campus and stores boxes. This has made it easier sending them to college on the Mainland. Otherwise, we would have to rent storage space for the summer.
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mackinaw
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Michigan |
| Posts: | 776 |
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 11:19 am |
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On the advice of the admissions office, my daughter kept things fairly simple. We were told that there are two things freshmen as RISD focused very hard on when they first arrived: (1) choosing their major, and (2) trying to fit all the stuff they brought with them in their rooms. Some coordination with your future roommate can be helpful to avoid duplicates. They can't have all the comforts of home; they can, however, pick up little things after they arrive and assess the situation.
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Thumper
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| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 222 |
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 06:33 pm |
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>>800 travel allotment; that obviously is not intended to cover a second traveler. >>
It doesn't cover the student for more than two trips. Our DD didn't come home for Thanksgiving or Spring Break this year...too much money for the tickets. Fortunately we have relatives in CA. Families sending kids far away to school also need to calculate the costs of storage of some items for the summer, and purchase of items there (we bought a small TV and microwave...DD needed to contribute to the "room's items"). Another thing to use liberally and we did...is the fixed rate Priority Mailing boxes from the post office. They are about $8.50 and that includes a tracking slip. It doesn't matter how much they weigh and you can really stuff a LOT into them. And they get from coast to coast in about two days. We used these for holiday and birthday "care" packages. And you don't have to pay for the box. You just pick them up at the P.O. and you pay the postage when you send. There are two shapes...one that is sort of like a shoe box, and the other like a shirt box.
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leftcoast
Member
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 08:06 pm |
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It doesn't cover the student for more than two trips.
We never thought it was supposed to. My son's east coast college had a long spring break, so he came home -- once without telling me he planned to, just showed up on the front doorstep  - but my d. planned to come home only over winter break only. This year she had to fly back almost immediately in January, because of the death of a very close friend -- so sometimes even the best laid plans go awry -- but I guess that is just one more reason it was a good idea for us to economize all along. (I was able to get extremely cheap tickets through creative stuff online -- travelocity's "last minute" deals can be good).
But that does bring up another issue -- it's good to check to see when the dorms will be open. My son's college had long breaks and pretty much shut everything down -- dorms had to be vacated winter & spring, and though they were open Thanksgiving, the food service shut down completely. My daughter didn't face that problem -- she had only a week off for spring break and no difficulty planning to stay in the dorm. They even had a group seder arranged that week on campus for those who wanted it, though my d. accepted an invitation with friends off campus.
As far as contributing to the room's items: my son had suite style living, and his contribution was a $20 toaster one year, a $20 rice cooker the next. I don't think that kids should feel pressured to bring in high-cost items. My daughter's roommate supplied their t.v. and VCR -- but she lived nearby and I'm pretty sure it was an old one brought from home, not a new purchase. The roommate also comes from a more affluent family. I don't think a kid who is on financial aid with loans & work study should feel pressured to "contribute" more appliances or decorative items than she can afford. Of course that is something to work out with roommates. It wasn't an issue for my daughter because she is pretty talented at shopping and bargain hunting -.
Last edited on Sun Jun 10th, 2007 08:16 pm by leftcoast
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WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1161 |
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Posted: Sun Jun 10th, 2007 11:44 pm |
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Someone sent me this article link about Student Trash. I thought it was appropriate here.
http://www.dailybreeze.com/news/regstate/articles/7923807.html
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