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Descartes
Super Moderator
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Posted: Sat Apr 19th, 2008 05:04 pm |
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Canadian suggested a joke thread. So here it is - except you can put humorous items of all sorts, not just jokes, on it.
Here's mine. I just hope I didn't get this link here:
http://bluepyramid.org/ia/uquiz.htm
FYI, I turned out to be Amherst.
Later edit: Ooops, Fireflyscout posted this two years ago. Well, its worth recycling. (Thanks, FFS).
Last edited on Sat Apr 19th, 2008 05:10 pm by Descartes
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kdmom
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jun 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Washington USA |
| Posts: | 115 |
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Posted: Sun Apr 20th, 2008 12:49 am |
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Ha ha, I was UC - Berkeley. Somehow that seems right...
I've got a light bulb joke (actually, I've got a bunch of them, lifted from various sources over time. But I'll spare you the rest):
How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two -- One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
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mackinaw
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Posted: Sun Apr 20th, 2008 01:55 am |
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Then there's the line about Berkeley faculty that goes:
Berkeley faculty are only able to succeed at at most two of the following three things: research, teaching, and staying married.
Last edited on Sun Apr 20th, 2008 03:55 am by mackinaw
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Canadian
Member
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Posted: Sun Apr 20th, 2008 05:32 am |
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That was fun! Thanks Descartes. I'm UC Berkeley.
I wish there was a way to look up different schools.
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Canadian
Member
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Posted: Sun Apr 20th, 2008 05:39 am |
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Quoting Consolation here from the Acceptances thread:
A kid is standing in the "10 items or less" line of the Star Market in Central Square in Cambridge. He has 14 items. The checkout lady looks at him and snarls, " Which is it, kid: are you from Harvard and you can't count, or MIT and you can't read?"Last edited on Sun Apr 20th, 2008 05:45 am by Canadian
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warblers
Member
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Posted: Sun Apr 20th, 2008 04:28 pm |
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Stolen from Harvard's admissions office...
As an admission officer at Harvard University, I have had an opportunity to review the admissions packet for this applicant named Jesus, and here is what I found and my recommendations to the rest of the committee:
He didn't report a GPA and appears to be home schooled. His father is just a carpenter (although he is claiming a second father; apparently there is some dispute), and his mother is just listed as a "Virgin" (I wonder if anyone has explained to him the facts of life). Also, he is from an area where most people are illiterate, and thus I question whether he could have received the necessary training in the core courses (although he is claiming some personal involvment in the creation of Christian history). He seems to have no knowledge of the ancient Greeks, never read Homer, and asserts the world actually began with Adam and Eve. Nevertheless, he appears to be well-read in the scriptures and does seem to be able to cite chapter and verse. Also, he appears to be a compelling speaker who has stood often before the masses to present his ideas on the meaning of the scriptures. So he obviously has been able to overcome his less than stellar upbringing.
His test scores are excellent, perfect in fact, but there may be a scandal lurking as he was accused by some Philistines of knowing the questions and answers before starting the test. He professed that it is just his uncanny ability to see the future. As no direct proof of actual cheating could be found, the testing center decided that it had no choice but to certify his scores. Like other doubters I also question his excuse.
His EC's appear at first glance to be impressive -- turning scant food into enough to feed thousands, healing the sick, making the blind see, raising someone from the dead. However, others have asserted that those are magicians tricks designed to fool the masses. Moreover, he definitely has a Messiah complex, believing himself the saviour of mankind and claiming he can forgive sins. I have learned of reports that he is a true rebel and his actions are all designed to bring down the established government so he can become king. I have visions of his leading the students to take over the administration center if we did something he disliked, like our plan to cut religion courses from the curriculum because of budget cuts. Also, I wonder how a person like him will fit among all of our ambitious, success oriented students when his philosphy can be summed up in his own words as "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."
He has worked as a carpenter but otherwise has not performed any work that could be considered meaningful for college admission. His recommendations are filled with glowing remarks about being the greatest person who ever lived, but I am not sure how much credence we can put in recommendations that come from a prostitute (Mary Magdalen), a fisherman (Simon who also seems to go by Peter), a former tax collector turned religious fanatic (Matthew), and a filthy hermit who baptizes religious converts by attempting to drown them in lakes.
There is no legacy here though he claims to be a descendant of Abraham, and he is not an under-represented minority. His promise to provide us all with the Keys to the Kingdom of Heaven seems empty at best. I am somewhat intrigued by his belief that he will someday be crucified and then rise from the dead, but then many of our applicants usually have a death wish and are on the verge of suicide anyway. In balance, I have to give a thumbs down. He is just too much of a risk and I doubt he could add anything of substance to the prestige of the university.
Edit: Without cheating I turned out to be Michigan. You love the Olympics, football, basketball, and... well, okay, you're just a sports nut. You do have a more academic side to you as well, but usually you learn from other students more than actual teachers. You might be the only person in the world who liked Gerald Ford's presidency, though you sheepishly admit that it might just have been due to his last name. You are seen as very capable, but you do throw the word "um" into your speech far too frequently. Switching my answer on the last question, I got Duke. With an affinity for unpronounceable Polish names and mischievous mayhem, you are quite focused on hardwood floors. If this all sounds like a bizarre combination of things to you, just blame it on the beer. Despite your ability to party and play, you have also garnered a reputation for intelligence that you're not sure you deserve. Still, all this makes you feel like royalty, even if you haven't been drinking. Though you like going to your chapel, you really hate other chapels.
Suprisingly accurate- my top choices for grad and undergrad, respectively.  Last edited on Sun Apr 20th, 2008 04:39 pm by warblers
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Lderochi
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 02:53 am |
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I was Claremont Mckenna??
More interestingly, I also took the State quiz and ended up being Delaware -- where I live.
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defyingravity1
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 04:05 am |
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| Sorry to hijack this thread, but Lderoch, is your S. staying at Elon or transferring?
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mominva
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 01:44 pm |
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I am also Claremont McKenna; my subdivision is 'Claremont'.
Statewise, I am Virginia (well, it is in my screenname, duh!)
Ditto to the question to lderochi.
Last edited on Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 01:46 pm by mominva
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CarolynLawrence
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 08:28 pm |
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Heck, I turned out to be Carnegie Melon. My son was the University of Bologna! (well, he is often full of Bologna!)  Last edited on Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 08:28 pm by CarolynLawrence
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mackinaw
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 11:34 pm |
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Wow I must have taken a wrong course in life, or on that quiz. I'm North Carolina State University.... Could it be my preference for a Southern accent over a Boston accent? Could it be my desire to coach March Madness?
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defyingravity1
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 12:40 am |
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| I was UC San Franciso I think. So not accurate Or maybe it was San Diego Last edited on Thu Apr 24th, 2008 12:40 am by defyingravity1
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bumpyroad
Member
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 03:03 am |
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| I ended up at Duke - which is painful for someone who spent many years at UNC Chapel Hill.
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Lderochi
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 03:06 am |
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Hey Defyinggravity -- If he gets accepted to UDel he'll be transferring. It's frustrating -- not because I'm not a fan of UDel, I am. It's a really good school and I would have been just as happy if he had gone there originally. But I've come to really like Elon. And even more frustrating, he is actually quite happy at Elon. Made some good friends, got involved in some good activities. But he still thinks that he wants to be here rather than there.
It might be a mistake, I don't know. But he's earned the right to make his own decisions (within reason!  ) And make his own mistakes. Not even sure if he'll get accepted, though. As a freshman in-state it would have been a no-brainer, but the transfer game all depends on how many acceptees decide to attend. And Delaware has gotten much more popular in the last few years, with a definite upward trend in their yield.
Thanks for asking!
PS Bumpyroad. Given your experience I'm terrified to tell my wife about the site -- if she ends up being Duke I'm afraid her head might explode
Last edited on Thu Apr 24th, 2008 03:08 am by Lderochi
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kdmom
Member
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Posted: Sat Apr 26th, 2008 05:06 pm |
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College Advertising
This made me laugh, though it might be slightly offensive to some. (I rate it PG-13 for language and simulated vomiting :-)
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1812947
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