| Author | Post |
|---|
Joan
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Chicago |
| Posts: | 35 |
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 01:45 am |
|
Well, greetings, have not posted here in a very long time....
D2 was accepted to Lewis & Clark, Earlham, Miami of Ohio, Hiram, K-zoo (I had to look it up on CC to remember!!) and KNOX. All of these acceptances were early action. She was rejected by Grinnell, where D1 is now a 2nd year. By the time that rejection came, Grinnell was her first choice...but we visited 3 schools in 6 days (Miami, Earlham & Knox) and she decided to attend Knox. (She dealt with the Grinnell rejection by doing an art installation - she collected rejection letters from other kids in her HS, and then photoshopped their images which were superimposed on their rejection letters, with the word "REJECTED" stamped in red across the image...)
She very quickly was part of a myspace group of Knox freshman and was excited all summer, couldn't wait for school to start. We took her sister back to Grinnell late in August and she was hyped. Move in day for freshman was the Saturday before labor day. We were not sure of her room configuration prior to move in day and had planned to spend some time getting last minute stuff - but the whole day was programmed with one event after another, and at 3 PM, it was time for parents to bid farewell. At this point, she was in her room sobbing, saying "it's a lot different visiting colleges than attending" and "I didn't really want to go to college". She had chosen to live on a coed floor, and her room happened to be across from the boy's bathroom, and that was a BIG problem. She said "I've never had to share a room with anyone in my whole life!" and "How can I live on a floor with 23 strangers" and "take me home with you I hate it here". I cried most of the way back to Chicago.
Freshmen had scheduled activites for most of the week - I think classes did not start until Thursday. She had thought she wanted to major in Theater and Education, and was paired with the chair of the Theater department as her advisor. She was totally bored with little to do until classes started - (she thought the freshman events were dumb) and when classes started, she hated them. We were getting several calls a week about how unhappy she was, and we prayed that she would make it through the initial 10-week term. We visited as often as we could, and she came home (via a 3-hour amtrak ride) several times. From the get go she questioned her decision, and pondered transferring. She had a hard time being in Galesburg (vs. Chicago) and said she'd never really wanted to leave, so she decided to apply for transfers to DePaul and Loyola-Chicago, as well as Cornell College in Iowa where several friends were students. She worked through her withdrawl process with one of the deans, and at the end of the 10 week term I went there and helped her pack her stuff. As we carried her stuff to the car, she said, "our house will be so empty! I'm used to all these people on my floor."
On the drive home, she said, quietly, "I've been having second thoughts about leaving." Oh boy. I told her she could change her mind and go back, and to contact the dean. She emailed him the next day, and he said that her email made his day. He had not yet submitted her withdrawal paperwork and offered to tear it up. She waited until she was accepted to all of her transfer schools, and then decided she would give Knox a full year. (BTW, the dean never tried to talk her into staying - and was very helpful with both the withdrawal and transfer application process. I was really impressed with him, and he has since become her advisor.)
Their 2nd term started right after new year, and she was really happy to get back to campus and grateful to get her room back. Kids who had thought she had left were delighted to see her - now she is loving her classes and thinks she will stay. How things change in a few months! She has made a couple of really good friends (i.e, now she has someone to talk to,) is active with Hillel club and attends Shabbat services in Galesburg, is volunteering in the Galesburg library, hosts a one-hour radio show, loves her classes, and is doing really well! She is planning to major in Religious Studies and Art History (who knew?) and is really enjoying herself and very much looking forward to the third term. She is hoping to stay past the end of 3rd term to hear Bill Clinton's commencement address...
I was reluctant to post here, didn't want to give a bad vibe. Now I am so grateful that I have a good and happy story to tell -
Moral of the story - be patient, be supportive, be prepared to be surprised!
|
CarolynLawrence
Administrator
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 3309 |
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 02:00 am |
|
Joan,
I so appreciate you giving us an update. I am so glad to hear things are going better for you're daughter this semester. I have to give Knox major kudos for how they handled the situation.
And, you're absolutely right: things can change, sometimes in unexpected ways. My daughter was deliriously happy last semester, but this semester so far has been a bit more of a challenge for her. Her boyfriend is studying abroad, she is taking two classes she's not enthusiastic about, she misses her family (in the fall semester it seems we saw her a lot more!) and winter cabin fever has set in. Sometimes, it's hard to hear her complain without wanting to whisk her away or make it all better.
But this too shall pass.
Nice to "see" you here again, Joan.
Carolyn
|
Mezzomom
Member
|
Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 04:07 pm |
|
Joan, thank you for sharing your daughter's story; I love that you subtitled her experiences as "a work in progress." With all the frenzy around college admissions these days, the quest for a destination can obscure the fact that college is truly the beginning of a process, not the end of one.
I've watched my own daughter experiencing some bumps in the road this quarter. In her case, I think the "bumps" are directly related to a rigorous rehearsal schedule for the operas she is in, and the resultant sense that she's missing out on many other opportunities. As a music major, she's well aware that this comes with the territory, but she's at least learned that if she is cast in two operas next year, she'll turn down one.
I'm headed down tomorrow to attend her opera performances, and when I take her out for dinner afterwards, I'm also going to talk to her about her long-term goals. She has some very ambitious academic goals (including the desire for a self-designed second major), and I'd like her to slow down a bit and consider other options. She's the kind of kid that wants to suck every drop out of an opportunity, but along with that comes a laser focus which can cause her to miss peripheral opportunities. I want to present some other options to her (a minor rather than a double major, working on her honors thesis [which she can't fit in if she does a double major]), all of which will get her to the same place but by a different path. I want her to at least consider other possibilities, because I have very real concerns that she'll flame-out at some point if she doesn't. I've already telegraphed to her that this will be a bit of a "working dinner"; the very fact that she didn't pummel me for details (which she tends to do if she thinks she needs to "prepare a defense") tells me that she's open to this sort of conversation.
Thanks again for sharing; it helps the rest of us open up when things are less-than-"perfect".
|
CarolynLawrence
Administrator
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 3309 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 08:57 pm |
|
| Mezzomom, Hope you get there safely. I've been watching the weather channel, and the midwest looks pretty grim. My daughter was wearing her :light: coat last week, but it sounds like she'll be dragging out her snow boots again this week.
|
WestrnMom
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Fri May 26th, 2006 |
| Location: | West Coast, USA |
| Posts: | 1213 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 11:23 pm |
|
Bumps are so normal--homesickness, second guessing, buyer's remorse (usually temporary), then alternately loving the school, the friends, the major, the classes. It's all part of growing up, and what better place to do that than in a relatively structured environment with others their ages? (At least that is what I keep telling myself!)
|
Overseas mom
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 20th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 54 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 09:45 am |
|
Joan,
Thank you for sharing this ongoing saga. Let us know how it goes.
At this point many of us feel like everything will be settled soon as our kids make their decisions and we pack them off to begin college. I've been assuming that my daughter will never look back. It's good to be reminded that she may have self-doubts as she makes the adjustment and that I will still need the patience and fortitude to support her emotionally.
|
CalifCarolyn
Member
| Joined: | Tue Apr 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 573 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 07:29 pm |
|
In the fall of '05 D1 started regretting not accepting USC and being closer to home. Calls in Oct of her Freshman year at Northeastern focused on talks about transferring and the Thanksgiving conversation revolved around gearing up for applications. We asked her to try to last the entire year and of course we would support her being closer to home. By Christmas she still had her paperwork ready to submit but by the end of January she told us she couldn't imagine being anywhere else!
Buyers remose, homesickness, 4 very close HS friends at USC and many more at UCLA were also pulling heart strings---but by Jan she was in a leadership position in a business program , had developed a strong group of friends and had met a wonderful guy.
She is now a very happy sophomore doing her 1st co-op (here in So Cal making trips back to Boston as often as possible  and trips to the airport to pick up that wonderful guy when he visits)
We are already anticipating this next fall with D2--no matter where she ends up attending.
|
yayamama
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 1st, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 78 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Feb 26th, 2007 01:02 pm |
|
Joan, I was fascinated by your update about your daughter. What stood out was how very supportive and understanding your whole family was towards her choice, either way. That was probably what allowed her to feel as though she could leave, and ultimately convinced her to stay at Knox.
I'm very glad that she has found her niche and is happy at college. Thanks so much for posting her experience here.
|
scoop
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 567 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Feb 26th, 2007 02:40 pm |
|
Joan,
I appreciate you telling us about your daughters experience. I was impressed with the schools response. I only hope that if I am in a similar situation with my daughter, that I will respond the way you did. It says a lot about your relationship with her that she felt comfortable saying she was having second thoughts...in the car coming home no less. I wish her lots of luck and happiness.
|
Joan
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Chicago |
| Posts: | 35 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Sep 1st, 2007 09:01 pm |
|
Update
She could not wait to get back to campus for Fall term and in fact is an orientation leader.  She spent most of the week ferrying international students between the campus and Target / WalMart - the Chinese kids in particular are very attached to her as she speaks a little Chinese. She is truly looking forward to resuming her classes next week and has worked very hard to plan things for her "orientees" to make their transition to school easier than hers was...I am so happy for her and so proud of her!
|
mackinaw
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Michigan |
| Posts: | 786 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sun Sep 2nd, 2007 12:15 am |
|
Wow! What a turnaround story. Thanks very much for the update, as there are many lessons there. Going away from home is hard, first impressions can be misleading, kids are usually very adaptable, etc. etc. Keep us posted on how things go from here.
|
binx
Member
| Joined: | Sun Mar 5th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 459 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Sep 3rd, 2007 05:29 pm |
|
| Joan, I missed this story the first time around - so glad you bumped it. I am impressed with how everyone involved, including you, handled the situation. And so glad it has turned into a good thing for your D.
|
PrimetimeMom
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Los Angeles |
| Posts: | 157 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Sep 4th, 2007 02:11 am |
|
Wonderful! Thank you for posting this. I'm sure this transition happens to many kids and your story will help parents in a similar situation and give them hope!
|
defyingravity1
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jan 7th, 2008 |
| Location: | NYC |
| Posts: | 75 |
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Jan 11th, 2008 12:26 am |
|
Just bumping this up.
Joan- How is your D. doing now? She is a second semester sophmore there now I presume, correct?
|
Current time is 09:45 am | |
|
