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Consolation
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Posted: Wed Oct 31st, 2007 07:54 pm |
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CarolynLawrence wrote: 540 words should be fine.
The "Why Yale" essay always is tricky. The key, I think, is not to waste words telling Yale what it already knows about itself (world-class university, prestigious, northeastern location, residential colleges, smart students, smart faculty) but focus every one of those limited characters on telling the admissions committee why Yale is right for YOU. Some of the Yale essays I've read manage to pull in quite a bit in that tiny space. 
Uh oh. His currently mentions at least 3 of those things. (It's hard not to mention the residential colleges: they are what sets Yale apart from a lot of other great schools.)
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CarolynLawrence
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 12:42 am |
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As long as he personalizes the essay in some way, it will be fine. A good test is to ask: is this an essay that could have been written by anyone about any school? Or, is this an essay that really only I could have written about this particular school?
But, don't stress too much about it. There is so little space that you really can't do much, and I am not certain that Yale puts a huge amount of weight on those 300 characters anyhow. It will be OK!
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Lupine
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 07:03 pm |
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I was waiting for a meeting, and overheard the last minute or so of the Williams College rep's talk for prospective students: he said that the essay they most commonly get is the "Why Band Made a Difference in My Life" piece that explains the challenges, frustrations, time, energy and accomplishments band meant to this student. He said, "The problem is that we've read that essay a million times, and I could substitute soccer for band and it would be my essay too, because that's what soccer did for me, and that essay just doesn't tell us anything interesting about you."
I'd guess that the same would be true of the school essay.
Last edited on Thu Nov 1st, 2007 07:04 pm by Lupine
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Consolation
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 08:30 pm |
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Lupine wrote: I was waiting for a meeting, and overheard the last minute or so of the Williams College rep's talk for prospective students: he said that the essay they most commonly get is the "Why Band Made a Difference in My Life" piece that explains the challenges, frustrations, time, energy and accomplishments band meant to this student. He said, "The problem is that we've read that essay a million times, and I could substitute soccer for band and it would be my essay too, because that's what soccer did for me, and that essay just doesn't tell us anything interesting about you."
I'd guess that the same would be true of the school essay.
Great...my son's supplemental essay is about an experience at string quartet camp.
Oh well, I think it's a good essay, and it describes an incident that really has changed him in a way that is really important to him. If they don't like it, screw them. (Funny how we never hear that kids shouldn't write about their experiences of racism/poverty/handicaps: apparently it wouldn't be PC to say, "Tough luck kid, we've read that essay about racism a million times. Get over it and find something better to write about."
He just hit the submit button for the first time, twice: once for the Common App and once for the Supplement. Hallelujah!
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Lupine
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 08:44 pm |
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Consolation wrote: Lupine wrote: I was waiting for a meeting, and overheard the last minute or so of the Williams College rep's talk for prospective students: he said that the essay they most commonly get is the "Why Band Made a Difference in My Life" piece that explains the challenges, frustrations, time, energy and accomplishments band meant to this student. He said, "The problem is that we've read that essay a million times, and I could substitute soccer for band and it would be my essay too, because that's what soccer did for me, and that essay just doesn't tell us anything interesting about you."
I'd guess that the same would be true of the school essay.
Great...my son's supplemental essay is about an experience at string quartet camp.
Oh well, I think it's a good essay, and it describes an incident that really has changed him in a way that is really important to him. If they don't like it, screw them. (Funny how we never hear that kids shouldn't write about their experiences of racism/poverty/handicaps: apparently it wouldn't be PC to say, "Tough luck kid, we've read that essay about racism a million times. Get over it and find something better to write about."
He just hit the submit button for the first time, twice: once for the Common App and once for the Supplement. Hallelujah!
Don't sweat it. It sounds like your son wrote an essay about how a specific experience changed him -- the fact that the incident was during string quartet camp doesn't make it a generic essay.
Congratulations to your son (and to you!) for getting that submit button pressed.
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Consolation
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Posted: Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 08:56 pm |
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Thanks, Lupine.
Now he has another dilemna: some of the other schools he's interested in applying to don't ask for a supplemental essay. On his first version of the Common App, he uploaded an expanded activities chart into the "Additional Info" section of the Writing Samples area instead of an essay, because the school supplement asked for the second essay.
I'm wondering if, for Williams, for example, it would make sense to remove the Activities chart (just going with the infamous seven slots of the Common App), and upload his original personal statement essay (because it can be made short enough to fit in the Additional Info slot) while moving the former supplemental essay (which cannot be made short enough to fit into the Additional Info slot) as the main essay.
Confused, yet? I thought the Common App was supposed to make things easier!
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Chedva
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Posted: Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 09:07 pm |
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My opinion is if a school doesn't ask for another essay, they don't want to read another essay. I wouldn't put an essay in the Additional Info section.
Whether he wants to change essays is another issue.
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Consolation
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Posted: Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 09:41 pm |
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Chedva wrote: My opinion is if a school doesn't ask for another essay, they don't want to read another essay. I wouldn't put an essay in the Additional Info section.
Whether he wants to change essays is another issue.
What kind of thing do you thing ought to go in Additional Info? They do include at as part of the "Writing Samples" section, so a writing sample would seem to make sense, on the face of it, wouldn't it?
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CarolynLawrence
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Posted: Mon Nov 5th, 2007 12:26 am |
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The additional information section is meant for just that -- additional information. It's the place to explain any unusual circumstances, to cover something important that isn't asked about on the application, and, in some cases, to provide a little more detail about something that is on the application. Another possible use is when a college doesn't have a specific "Why this college?" question on their supplement and you want to convey an important reason or two for why you want to attend the school.
The additional information section can be written in essay form, but be very careful that it isn't clearly an essay written in response to a prompt for another college's supplement (and competing colleges in particular seem to be able to spot these). Colleges don't like to feel like they're reading left-overs from another application. But, the additional information section shouldn't just be ignored either - if you have something important to add, add it!
Last edited on Mon Nov 5th, 2007 12:28 am by CarolynLawrence
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Consolation
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Posted: Tue Nov 13th, 2007 06:06 pm |
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Interesting note on the essay front: the alumni interviewer gave my S a copy of an essay that he said he thought was one of the best he had seen. (Apparently the kid got in--no name was attached.) I was really amazed: the essay broke just about every rule of good writing that all of the experts tell kids to avoid. It told, instead of showing, didn't really have a voice, etc, etc. I thought it was sincere, but mediocre at best.
Another data point on the "who the heck knows what they'll think" continuum, I guess.
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outwest
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Posted: Tue Nov 13th, 2007 09:10 pm |
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I may be off base, but this is what I think they really want to see in an essay. They want to see that the kid has a brain. Can they string logical thoughts together? Can they explain themselves? Do you care about them?
Tell me how many high school students have endless opportunities to write about unusual or amazing experiences? Come on, most of them have been coddled. They've spent their short lives growing and doing whatever it is teenagers do. Very few have anything astounding to say. So, what to write about? Heck, it really doesn't matter what they write about, in my opinion. I think they should try to throw in some descriptive language and try to use the senses in their essay: sight, sound, smell, etc. Use a few great words to make things interesting. Try telling a story. Don't overedit, either. All the spontaneity is lost and it becomes booooring to read.
My daughter wrote an okay essay about herself that she submitted to her first EA school. It was pretty good, not astounding. It had the requisite theme of "I love to learn" and "I like school" stuff she thought they wanted to hear. Her second EA school is getting the essay she really wanted to write, but thought they wouldn't want to hear. It is far superior. She wanted to write about cooking. Yep, that's right, cooking. What does cooking have to do with squat, you ask? She was able to take her love of cooking and start with describing something very small in great detail. Then she somehow exploded the idea into how it relates to culture, the origins of words, history, politics, family, caring and even science and chemistry! I was shocked. It is a fantastic essay, her voice is clear and it's about cooking. Well, kind of about cooking  . It's really about her.
Just my opinion.
Last edited on Tue Nov 13th, 2007 09:25 pm by outwest
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Consolation
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Posted: Tue Nov 13th, 2007 09:59 pm |
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That sounds like a great essay to me, Outwest!
My son's Common App essay is about the enormous thrill and satisfaction he got from catching fire intellectually and constructing a philosophical theory about religion when doing required journal writing for an English class. (He then came home and had a spirited hour-long debate with me on the subject, which he mentions in the essay.) Believe it or not, it's actually interesting and fun to read--or at least I think so. I hope the adcoms agree. In any case, it expresses the essence of who he is. There's a distinct individual there. My only fear is that they will all roll their eyes and say, "This kid belongs at the University of Chicago: reject!"
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HijinksAndSue
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Posted: Tue Nov 13th, 2007 10:29 pm |
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I hate to admit this but I haven't read my D's main essay (I read the one she sent to her first choice school, but it was a very school-specific short essay and not one she would probably use anywhere else).
She used one of the prompts from the NYU app (one of the other schools on her list) and wrote an essay that she can adapt to the common app and anyplace else. Her AP Lit class also required them to work on a college essay so I guess that's where she finished it ...
But I still haven't seen it. I read the first graf or two and she explained what the rest would be about ... and I actually think it sounds good, and DEFINITELY sounds "like her" ...
The original prompt was to write about a book, song, piece of art, etc. that had an impact on you. And you would think the musician would have written about music. But she wrote about a book that she was required to read for an AP Environmental class for summer reading and that ended up being her favorite book ("Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn), and one that she has found has impacted her life in many ways since then.
But she manages to "explain" in the essay that she procrastinated reading it all summer and even then only took AP Environmental to get out of Chemistry.
It had a great bizarre lead to the essay though. Definitely made you want to keep reading.
Now if I could just read the rest of it 
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CarolynLawrence
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Posted: Wed Nov 14th, 2007 02:53 am |
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Sometimes the essays that focus in on something small really are the best ones. The most memorable essays I've read (and, at this point, I've literally read hundreds, if not thousands ) that stick out in my mind were written about these topics:
- Thoughts the writer had while weeding his father's vegetable garden. The thoughts weren't particularly earth-shattering, intellectual, or philosophical, but the essay captured the student's very thoughtful approach to life. He was admitted to Rice and several other top schools.
- An essay about Marilyn Monroe. Actually, it wasn't really about Marilyn Monroe, although the author compared his search for self-worth through writing to Marilyn's self-discovery through acting. This is still the essay that makes me tear up every time I read it, even though it is not your typical"big game" essay.
- An essay for the "diversity" CA prompt which talked about how the writer discovered while talking to her grandfather that he had been a communist in his youth. She was initially upset to discover this, but then talked about how she realized that good people could come from backgrounds we don't understand.
- An essay written by a young man who talked about his father teaching him the alphabet during a visit to see his Dad who was in prison.
- An essay comparing cooking to mountain climbing and chemistry, all three passions of the student.
- An essay about the student's motorcycle -- which, to the student, represented all that he had achieved since coming to America as a poverty-stricken 7 year old.
- An essay where the student compared herself to a snail being flung from the garden, which is how she felt after having to move across country after her father was transferred.
But, I could go on and on. What makes an essay work is that the student isn't writing because they THINK this is what will impress an admissions committee, or trying to show how smart-talented-unique they are, but rather, that they are simply showing a side of themselves that lets an admissions committee feel they have gotten to know them as a living, breathing 17-year old. (And, yes, admissions people aren't looking for things that sound like they were written by an adult - in fact, admissions people, for the most part, HATE those sorts of essays.)
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Alumother
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 05:54 pm |
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OK everyone, here's a question. Carolyn, I guess it's really for you.
Can you tell us what NOT to do in an essay? My thoughts are, don't talk about what you don't like, nobody likes to read a complaint. But beyond that I really don't know.
Others? What topics NOT to use, what approaches NOT to take? Thanks.
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Consolation
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 12:00 am |
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Alumother wrote: OK everyone, here's a question. Carolyn, I guess it's really for you.
Can you tell us what NOT to do in an essay? My thoughts are, don't talk about what you don't like, nobody likes to read a complaint. But beyond that I really don't know.
Others? What topics NOT to use, what approaches NOT to take? Thanks.
Literally all of the adcoms I've heard speak on the topic have specifically said not to write an essay about "How I Scored a Goal and Won the Big Game" or about "My Volunteer Trip to Costa Rica." Some of them have also said not to write about "My Amazing Grandmother Who Raised Eleven Children and All of the Family's Food Singlehanded," because they are left wanting to admit the grandmother rather than the kid.
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warblers
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 12:02 am |
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Fast Food. That's what I think of when I try to draw an analogy with the process of reading application essays.
The bad. Ninety percent of the applications I read contain what I call McEssays - usually five-paragraph essays that consist primarily of abstractions and unsupported generalization. They are technically correct in that they are organized and have the correct sentence structure and spelling, but they are boring. Sort of like a Big Mac. I have nothing against Big Macs, but the one I eat in Charlottesville is not going to be fundamentally different from the one I eat in Paris, Peoria or Palm Springs. I am not going to rave about the quality of a particular Big Mac. The same can be said about the generic essay. If an essay starts out: "I have been a member of the band and it has taught me leadership, perseverance and hard work," I can almost recite the rest of the essay without reading it. Each of the three middle paragraphs gives a bit of support to an abstraction, and the final paragraph restates what has already been said. A McEssay is not wrong, but it is not going to be a positive factor in the admission decision. It will not allow a student to stand out.
A student who uses vague abstractions poured into a preset form will end up being interpreted as a vague series of abstractions. A student who uses cliché becomes, in effect, a cliché. If we are what we eat, we are also what we write.
Not only does a preset form lead to a generic essay, so does a generic approach to what is perceived as the right topic. Far too many students begin the search of what to write about by asking: What does my college want to hear? The thinking goes something like this: If I can figure out what they are looking for, and if I can make myself look like that, then I'll improve my chances.
Several years ago we asked students to describe an invention or creation from the past that was important to them. Our No.1 response - at least a thousand people - was the Declaration of Independence. This might make some people think that our college bound students are wonderfully patriotic, but given that my institution was found by Thomas Jefferson, I have a better answer. My guess is that a significant portion of the people who chose the Declaration did so because they thought we would want to hear about how much they admired Thomas Jefferson. While this may be a noble sentiment or, in some cases, a cynical maneuver, it ultimately meant that we had a thousand essays that sounded pretty much alike and therefore did not affect the admission decision. We are not looking for students who all think the same way, believe the same thing, or write the same essay.
Too often, however students who want to avoid sounding generic with respect to form or content choose exactly the wrong remedy; they think that bigger topics - or bigger words - are better. But it is almost impossible, in 500 words, to write well about vast topics such as the death of a loved one. I am not advocating longer essays (just remember how many applications admissions officers need to read); I am advocating essays with a sharp focus that allows for detail. Detail is what differentiates one essay from another, one applicant from another.
Instead of detail, however, students try to impress us with big words. In trying to make a topic sound intellectual, students resort to the thesaurus and, as a result, end up sounding pretentious or at least insecure about using the voice they would use to describe an event to a friend. The student assumes that these "impressive" words intensify the experience for a reader rather than diminish it. Before students send off their essay, they should always read it aloud to someone who knows them well; let that person decide if an individual voices comes through.
http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html
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riviera
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 02:58 am |
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We bought Harry Bault's "On Writing the College Application Essay: The Key to Acceptance and the College of your Choice". That really helped.
http://www.amazon.com/Writing-College-Application-Essay-Acceptance/dp/0064637220/ref=pd_sim_b_img_3
Also:
http://www.foothill.edu/fac/shaner/sab/writeessay.html
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bumpyroad
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 04:24 pm |
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| I have to second the recommendation for the Bault book. It was entertaining and made the point about avoiding cliches very clearly. I don't think it necessarily changed how my D wrote her essays, but I think it clarified how to approach the task, so it probably went a little smoother.
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Mrs. Aardvark
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Posted: Wed Mar 5th, 2008 12:01 pm |
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Is it possible to find out the essay topics for the Common Application without creating a CA account?
Also, when will the CA powers post the topics for the fall 2008 application season?
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